While You are Waiting
A disconsolate woman is waiting for the train. She is cradling a baby.  The train station is empty and it is late at night.
The station attendant sees her there, most miserable weeping and crying. He approaches to offer some comfort. “There, there. What seems to be the trouble?”
“I have to leave my town, may family, and all my friends. They all keep making fun of my baby. I have to take my sweet darling baby to another place to live.”
“I’m so sorry for you. May God see you both to a happier place. Perhaps you would like a nice cup of tea while you are waiting?”
“Yes, that would be nice. You are most kind.”
The station attendant thanked her for the compliment, and added, “I’ll go and get your tea. And, maybe a banana for your monkey?”
Duck Soup
We were at a family picnic in the park and there was a beautiful pond with lots and lots of ducks. At one point we were missing Uncle Otto, and finally we found him at the side of the pond.  

He was dipping bread into the water and eating it. 

"Uncle, what are you doing?!" "I'm enjoying the delicious duck soup." 

We finally became "conscious" that Otto had gone quackers.
More for the file of Jokes Where Someone Walks In:

An old gent comes into a bake shop to buy a loaf of raisin bread. The pretty young thing waiting on him has to climb a small ladder to reach for that item on a high shelf.
When she is poised high aboveher skirt is rather short, and the fellow is enjoying the view—she turns to confirm, “Is it raisin?”

“No, but it tingles a little.”
Thumb in His Food

Breakfast at a cafe the waitress brings the man his coffee. She sets in on the table, but her thumb is right in the coffee. The man is concerned, but says nothing.

Then she brings his scrambled eggs; and, once again, now her thumb is in the eggs.

The man says, “Hey, what’s the deal? You served my coffee with your thumb right in it, and now your thumb is in my eggs?”

She replies, “Yes, sir, I know. I have arthritis in my thumb and the doctor said I should keep it someplace warm.”

 He says, “Try this. Why don’t you put your thumb where the sun don’t shine!”

And, she, “I do, I do. But, only when I'm in the kitchen.”

The Vedantist at the Diner
There’s no zeal like that of the newly converted.
Did you hear the one about the new initiate to Advaita Vedanta?

This fella stops by a local diner for a bite to eat. The waitress comes over to take his order. While she patiently stands there he goes over the menu and at each item he comments, “Not this,” “Not this,” “Not this,” “Not this.”

After he goes through the entire 6 page menu like that, the waitress asks: “So, what’ll it be?”

He responds, “I don’t know.”

She: “Well, if you don’t know, who should?”

He: “Precisely!”
Waiter, Bring Me Coffee Without Cream

Waiter, taste the soup.

In a Jam . . . or, Cake


Here is the lovely Michele T. Fillion with her latest find. Alas, not in the garden (yet!) but from an excellent mail order source.

Oh, did we tell you what that round thing is? No, it's not a watermelon. It's a citron melon. The word is that citron melon is to watermelon what quince is to pear.

Citron melon has the crisp juicy texture and taste of cucumber. It can be eaten as is cut into salads. Also, the main reason why Michele tracked this specimen down in the first place is to use it in canning preserves. Citron melon is right up there on top of the high-in-pectin list. Also, for homemade candied citron for Michele's killer fruitcake. She would grow her own wheat and distill her own rum and breed her own chickens for eggs and refine sorghum sap for syrup; yes, she is one homemade kind of girl.

You can get your own citron melon and/or seeds to grow your own from the Wild Pantry. The nicest people and what a great range of things to purchase.